Monkey Wrenched

July 2, 1887 – Automata Fair Ends In Disgrace!

LONDON – The organizers of the 15th Annual London Automata Fair have not awarded a prize this year due to some confusion regarding the rules.

“Contestants have long been men of science, distinguished folk eager to test out new designs for mobile, self-contained machines,” said Professor Albert Pendleton, Esq., one of the judges of this year's competition. “Because of the nature of automata, we have long had to keep definitions flexible, as any number of innovations are possible- encouraged, I say! But the actions of Mr. LaBelle, and his entry's abuse of our qualifications, are a clear sign that the bylaws of this fair need to be revised.”

Since 1872, the London Automata Fair has applied the inventions of the Milton Steam Engine and the Mercier Inference Engine by creating contests of ability for different automata. This year's tasks were a small obstacle course, followed by an array of domestic cleaning tasks. However, no winner was announced, due to the fact that the sole competitor to complete the course was a trained monkey.

“I've long studied the rules,” said Mr. Henri LaBelle. “An automaton is defined as an independent, non-human capable of performing intelligent tasks. The winner of the seventh fair was created from a collection of reanimated corpses, so there is already [precedent] for living creatures to take home the prize. There is nothing in the rules that says a monkey can't be an automaton!”

The Fair Committee put forth a short statement on the event, but declined to elaborate. “The rules will be reviewed for future fairs to better measure the performance of automata. This year's competition revealed a number of oversights, including the race format itself, which allowed Mr. LaBelle's monkey to throw wrenches into the gearworks of other automata. Once revisions have been made, the new rules will be released to the public.”